Insecurity Note

12:30 AM

On The Bed

Wide awake at 00.01 on March 19th.

Out of the blue 'Unlearn The Fight' new material from Tika and the Dissidents' new album floated inside my head. "I'm just grateful that I hate you. Grateful that you hate me. Trying to unlearn the fight". I suddenly realized, I'm in a state of being tired to fight over childish things.

It used to be so easy to sulk to friends only because of trivial issues. But now, when the plan that has been planned in days or weeks just canceled at the very last minute, I just sighed. It's because I don't have the energy to be angry. Not anymore. It's bored me for being mad at things that are not going according to plan.

Though friends, they will not always in line forever. Though friends, they can't always be ready two four seven. They have their own life to live. They have their own world to fulfill. They also have another friends to be paid attention too.

Someone tells "The time we're getting older, we're getting lonelier too". Somehow, that's true.

For me, it's not anymore a strange thing to find myself alone at the cafe, movie theater, concert, or anywhere else. Without company, without my dear friends. Feeling lonely? I'm not sure. Sometimes yes, sometimes not. The loneliest night is not when I'm going to the concert all by myself. Nor when I watch the movie alone. Nor when I sipping a cup of coffee in my favorite cafe alone. Also nor to have dinner without company. For me, the loneliest night is when I lie on my bed after a long and tiring day, and realize no one beside me. No one on my phone that trying to reach me. I feel like screaming "Where the hell my friends are???" But it's useless to scream at the wall. None of my friends would hear me anyway.

A friend told me this on our late night talk,
"Nights not always quiet. Not always merry either. Tonight we're feeling lonely, but the next night there will be a (at least) little merry"

The point of all this, sometimes the loneliness need to be embraced so we know how joyful it is to be accompanied. Either by our dearest friends or our lifetime foe.

Cheers and Beer,

P.S. I wrote this for my friends, based on our conversations. Thanks for both of you, for the talk and walk and for the late night talk. We need that once in a while.

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